We always want to go higher. We won't be satisfied until we feel like we are fulfilling the purpose and calling on our lives from God for this time. And we don't feel that we are. We feel like we are just floating by. Letting days pass. Afraid to make a move, afraid we won't be able to move.
We've begun feeling like slaves to our circumstances again. Just like we did in NY. Have you ever felt like that before? Like there is nothing you can do? I NEED THIS JOB, I NEED this house, I NEED these friends, I NEED this church...its all I have. Its all that I can see. One thing Scott and I feel strongly about is the concept of settling.
To settle= to appoint, fix, or resolve definitely and conclusively...
We won't settle in a place where our hearts aren't alive. One of my favorite verses in the word is from John 10:10 "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."
If you feel like things have been stolen, your dreams are dying, your hope and joy destroyed. You can seek change. You don't have to settle there.
We haven't been doing well here. We won't say the Lord has not blessed us and we won't say this was a waste of time. Nothing can be wasted. He will always make things good if we love Him and live according to His purposes. And we fully believe this time and what we've learned is all GOOD.
However, we've really been struggling. Struggling is OK. Sometimes God sent. But we feel personally that we've come to a place in the tension and in our struggling that God is not calling us into. We feel like maybe we're putting ourselves in this position. Sometimes we think its the Christian way to be unhappy. Like we must live in a state of suffering for the sake of the cross. Scott and I feel like we are beginning to loose hope and focus.
We also need our own space. We've said many times how gracious the Smith's have been. Its so true. We don't think we would have made it here without them. God knew that we really needed them to transition down here. And we can't express enough, our gratitude to them. But we are ready, we've really been ready for months now, to have our own space. We can't move any of our stuff from NY into this house without feeling like we have to get rid of more than half of it! And also just the way Scott and I function as a family unit, time together, to be alone as a family is really important to us. Really, its something personal to our family that we feel like we've not been honoring and we are really aching for it again.
So we are finally saying yes to the cry on our hearts. We feel the tension in our family of not being able to be alone. We feel the tension of our belongings living in NY. And also just the tension of not being able to take control of our space in the spirit. We are ready to take our own land somewhere! And be in authority over our home. Not to mention, our family is growing:) and come this August we'll need space for a new baby as well.
All these things, plus just leading from Holy Spirit are leading us to leave this home at the end of the month. We really feel great peace about this decision. The only difficulty is we don't have the funds to move into our own home. Which is why we've been so fearful about making this decision for these past few months. We've felt like money is holding us down, and holding us back. And we don't want to be a slave to money. We will NOT be slaves.
We are really praying for a miracle. That the Lord would provide financially for us to be able to move into our own home. We've been praying for more work for Scott that would provide in a way that would give us enough to live on our own and also enough to sow into others through our home. I've been looking for jobs to do in order to bring in extra income, still really feeling that God has asked me to be in the home, but always willing to change if He tells me otherwise! We feel confident that the Lord will keep us in Fort Mill. We feel like He is not finished with us here! So the final decision is that if we don't have a new place to live by the end of the month, we will move down to Scott's parents retirement home in Florida. There is no one currently living in the home, so it could be a blessing for us to be able to look after it and keep it full of Gods presence:) Also we get the privacy of our own place for a bit while we continue to press in for our home in Fort Mill and just seek the Lord, pray, and spend some quality time with Him as a family. We feel excited about that possibility. There are still so many logistics, like having enough money to get down there, having a place for our stuff here if we can't fit it all in our car, specifically Selah's crib!! We will also need support while we are there. Scott has some work that he can do while he is there, but we are hoping for more to open up in web design, and freelance writing.
We feel awakened again. And its been a while. We feel like we've been getting into a routine, and settling into something that we don't even feel alive in. And we are starting to feel alive again, so its a good thing! It will be hard to go, especially wondering if we will get to come back, or really where we will end up. But we know God has us. And we are just walking with Him. We love Him so much. We can't live unless we know we are following His voice.
Thanks for all of your prayers. We are so overwhelmed with how many of you really follow these blogs, and call us, text us, email us your prayers and encouragement. You have really served the Lord by loving on us, and we continue to pray you will reap for what you have sown into our family. We love you all so much. If you feel lead to pray for us more consistently here are some specifics for this time:
- Pray that we would stand firm in what we hear God speaking
- Pray for finances to come in so we can walk in the way God is leading us, either a home here before the end of the month or a way for us to get down to Florida and stay there for a bit
- Pray for continued health for our pregnancy as I won't be able to see a Dr. if we go down to Florida
- Pray that we walk in wisdom
- Pray for work to open up for Scott (Scott is amazing, I don't know how anyone could NOT want him to work for them. He is such a hard worker, so honorable, and incredibly intelligent) please pray especially for work that he LOVES and that will provide a way for us to have good insurance
- Please pray that we would stay united in pursuit and not focused on our own security, but on the Lord
We bless you all in the name of Jesus. We love who you are. We love the body. You've all shown so much love and we are praying for your families to prosper in God as well!