Yesterday I went and got my Florida license.
I am officially a Florida resident. And I gotta be honest, I feel quite confused about it.
Its hard to live life the way Scott and I do. I guess it should be easy when you have this awesome God living both in Heaven and inside of us, giving us Holy Spirit the guide and counselor directing us and guiding us into and onto each path of life. But sometimes, it doesn't feel spiritual. And thats difficult for me. Some people struggle with things feeling spiritual, they don't like going places or doing things because it feels right in their hearts and spirits. They like going places and doing things because its logical and makes sense and looks like the best way.
Well I'm experiencing the opposite. Its like everything in our recent transition is yes and amen, but for some reason I'm not completely on board. I can see clearly all the goodness and favor of God pouring out on us because of this move. But something hasn't clicked yet. I'm still waiting for the feelings and the spiritual experiences to help me understand that this is where God has called us. Its like there are signs all around us saying this is the way, this is good, keep going, this is what I want for you! -love God. And I'm still like "eh...I'm not convinced"
I think its just as dangerous to live the way I do waiting always to feel a certain way as it is to do nothing based on how it feels but only based on how it appears or what it gives you or accomplishes for you. I hate living for accomplishments. I hate living for a good job, benefits, money in the bank account, good food on the table. If you would ask my husband he would tell you straight up, I would rather have no money, no valuable possessions and just live in a hut somewhere on the other side of the world. I want a simple life, and I don't want to give into society. Working, paying bills, making money and more money and more money and going higher climbing that corporate ladder to reach some sort of all time satisfaction that will earn you your job and purpose in life.
Right now. This is whats happening, we both have jobs that we LOVE. I'm teaching ballet at a local dance studio and gaining favor with my director as the days go by. My classes will double by the summer and maybe even increase in the fall. Scott is loving his job at Disney, he's only worked a few days and is already highly respected by his colleagues and managers. They are already amazed at his intelligence and hard work and we feel so strongly Scott will be working his way up the Disney corporate ladder in no time. Not to mention Scott has already had an awesome ministry experience while on the job. We are both happy to go to work every time we go. We are excited to be there, and excited to go back. We are talking about things like two bank accounts in order to spread out our assets. We are talking about the housing market and how smart it would be if we invested in it now. All good things. And its like no matter how much gets better I'm still a little sad that I got a Florida license yesterday.
Maybe its just pride. Could I just be sad that I was wrong? Is it OK to make mistakes? Does anyone else have this idea that if you follow the voice of God you should never mess up? What if coming here is wrong? Or what if moving to South Carolina was wrong?
However, can anything really be wrong with God if He lives in us and we trust that He guides us?
Can we ever fail if He works out all things for the good of those who love Him and live according to His purposes?
I guess my point is, simply this. Sometimes things are not what you thought, or dreamed, or imagined. And even though you never received a prophetic word about them or feel a tingling sensation in your heart when you go into them. They could still be right. And good. Its hard to always KNOW that you are doing whats right. And I've lived a good portion of my life not moving forward unless I felt something. Or unless I felt certain that God said to do it. I don't know if God told us to move to Florida. Does that freak you out? I have no idea. I don't know if we are supposed to stay here either. But we are. We are trying a new thing out, its called trusting. Oh didn't I say we already tried that out? Well this is different, this kind of trust is trusting when you have no clue what you're doing. Trusting that your God is faithful to guide you and to not lead you to destruction. Do you believe He can do it? We are on this path, without even a "word from the Lord" no "thus saith" we are just living. And trusting that our Father sees us.
So many of you wonder, are you staying in Florida?
There are so many verses in the bible that talk about how we can't even plan for tomorrow because we don't know what tomorrow will bring. Or that many are the plans in a mans heart but the word of God prevails. So yea today, we live in Florida. We have jobs, we have Florida license' we are planning a future here. Is it the end, maybe, maybe not. But we are just deciding to be here until something happens. Or nothing happens. Maybe we'll stay here just because we like it. Maybe it won't be this massive spiritual experience. Maybe God will say "what do you want?" and we'll say "we want to live by Mickey forever Jesus!"
We really don't know. So bare with us.
We love you. We appreciate your love for us, despite our craziness:) And we appreciate those of you who have supported our every move. Some of you have trusted God for us with every decision we've made. You've never questioned where we are headed you've just trusted God to lead us. And that is so extremely valuable to us when we feel so uncertain.
Thanks for following. Any ideas for a new blog name?
This blog was really healing for me to write. Thanks for reading. love you all. God is good.
Tab, Scott, Selah & baby #2