“As the angel choir withdrew into heaven, the sheepherders talked it over. "Let's get over to Bethlehem as fast as we can and see for ourselves what God has revealed to us." They left, running, and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby lying in the manger. Seeing was believing. They told everyone they met what the angels had said about this child. All who heard the sheepherders were impressed. Mary kept all these things to herself, holding them dear, deep within herself. The sheepherders returned and let loose, glorifying and praising God for everything they had heard and seen. It turned out exactly the way they'd been told!” Luke 2:16-20 MSG
The Lord gave me a good kick in the butt yesterday. And as I get older, the further along in my walk with Him I go, I realize more and more just how refreshing His correction and rebuke are. Condemnation and guilt bring on the dark heavy feeling of "wow I'm just not doing anything right" but when the Father speaks conviction and correction into your heart its freedom. Its like an invitation to change and become more like Him and it feels GOOD. Its crazy to say it feels good to be rebuked, but when it comes from Him it really does. It feels like love. It sets you free, it brings you home.
Scott and I have not had the easiest of transitions down to South Carolina. And we often feel crazy for coming down here, especially when we seem to have no fantastic news in the natural to share with all of our friends and family about us moving down here. Ya know, last February when we came it was like wow Hey everybody, we have a word from God! We need to move down to Fort Mill South Carolina! God told us to go be a part of MorningStar ministry and that we need to be in that area for what He is about to bring us in to! Scott is leaving his job, we have no money saved up, no car, we will move into a small house with another family...at the time we had Selah and another baby on the way. But God said it! So nothing mattered, and we were full of expectation. And God really did show up. Not in the ways we expected, but He did. He provided for us for months when Scott had no work. People were extremely kind and generous to us, we got a free car, checks in the mail almost weekly to support us...It still wasn't exactly what we had seen or felt like God said, but He was providing. And we lived in hope, just knowing soon this will all turn into exactly what God showed us. And a few months turned into almost a year:) And still. Things have changed, but we are pretty much in the same situation. Not feeling anywhere near walking in the promises of God. Our own house to minister out of, and money that will provide more than enough to support ourselves,but also support others which is what we feel we've been shown. We haven't seen anything CLOSE.
So the past couple of weeks I've been grumbling. I've been asking all of our close friends to pray for us. I've been crying out to God. Wondering why He has forgotten us. Wondering where we went wrong. Explaining to the Lord, we've done everything we can! We've obeyed you, we've given away money, we've joined in ministry, we've sowed in faithfully and more than we can even afford to our church. We've prayed and worshiped and cried out. I mean, really. I've been giving Him an ear full. I've told Him I'm mad at Him for bringing us here just so we could continue to fail. We've contemplated packing up our bags and moving back in with our parents and giving up on South Carolina all together. And finally yesterday, I got a good slap in the face.
I was complaining to my husband once again. About finances, how we can't buy people Christmas presents blah blah blah and why is God letting this happen and why isn't He fixing anything and maybe we are doing something wrong... And Scott firmly started rebuking me using these words
"Its NOT about US! Its not about us. Its not about us. Its not about us. It is NOT ABOUT US. Its not about US. Its not about us. ITS NOT ABOUT US. IT IS NOT ABOUT US. ITS NOT ABOUT US!!!!!!"
I just laid on the bed in my pitiful state crying and laughing as that correction flowed into my heart and broke off that spirit of selfishness I've been carrying around for weeks.
ITS NOT ABOUT US!
We came here for God. We came because He said to. And we won't leave unless He says to!
He brought us here. It doesn't matter whats happening. None of it matters. It doesn't matter what we can see. All that matters is Him. And WHATEVER He wants to accomplish.
Now I know full well. We will receive these promises. The word of God is truth, and His truth will always be fulfilled, if He speaks it, its WILL manifest. Just look at this whole creation. He spoke light and we still have it!
But its not about us. We have what we need. We have food. We have a home. We have housemates that have welcomed us in and really shared everything they have with us. Its not ours, but they are being given a chance to minister to us.
We have no clue, what the Lord is doing right now. Really we don't. But we know what He has called us to, and we know He called us down here. And we won't budge until He says otherwise. Because we live for Him. Its what we really want anyway. We want our hearts to be so totally sold out to Him. Because He is worthy. His love makes everything worth it.
Please forgive me if you have caught a glimpse of my selfish spirit in the past few weeks or months for that matter. I'm young. God has a lot to do with me. But He is changing me:)
Grace and peace to your hearts friends. We love you. And we bless you in this awesome, crazy, journey with God.