These words have been playing over and over in my heart and head since we moved back to Fort Mill this past January. The text comes from Dr. Seuss' Horton Hears a Who. The tiny whos living on the small flower are shouting at the top of their lungs in complete abandonment WE ARE HERE WE ARE HERE WE ARE HERE! We exist! We are small but we are ALIVE.
I feel like it has been a bit of a whirlwind since moving back. And this strange mixture of fitting in and yet having to start all over again. Whatever it is its lovely. And we are grateful.
And now onto the next step in our journey. Our home.
Many do not think it such a great feat to live in their own space. For us it was not easy to get here. We had no idea years ago that we would spend the first 4 years of our marriage living under anyones roof but our own, but God had a dream too.
God had a dream and we dreamt along with Him.
We said "whatever it takes God!" We want to be more like you. We don't care what it looks like. We don't care if its painful. We just want to change. We want to be refined. Purge us in the fires God until all of us is burned away and we only look like your son.
You know everyone walks through the fire. It doesn't matter if you think they have or have not or if you think they are or are not. If there is ONE thing Scott and I have taken from all of this it is that what God sees and what God thinks and what God knows, is all that matters.
So we got into our own place. With the prayers and support of many great and beautiful people (Y-O-U) and the help and security of our house mates who have partnered with God to get us to this point.
I want to say so many things about being here. My own home. And no we don't own it, but its still ours for now:) So Lord please help me to sum up my reflections from the moving adventure.
Living with people: Living with people was hard for us. Mostly because of our pride, but also just longing to have our own space and more space and not live out of boxes anymore! And let me tell you, it NEVER seemed hard for the people we were staying with. And that really changed us. To see each family take us in to their space and almost completely relinquish possession of their stuff for the sake of our comfort...it was I think one of the least of these kinds of moments. You know when Jesus says "Whatever you have done unto the least of these, you have done unto me?" It was beautiful. It still is. They don't know just how great they are the Smith's, the Swires', and the Kost's but I cannot wait for them to meet with Jesus face to face and recount this process. Jesus is so pleased. And we are so changed and so humbled.
Finances: Something has really happened to Scott and I since returning to Fort Mill. Money has been so ridiculously tight for us. And many of you have graciously shared your own testimonies that have really strengthened us and helped us through the crazy times where buying just a gallon of milk alone felt like it would break the whole worlds piggy bank. But we are so changed. God has really challenged us to sow when we think we can't and then to sow some more. He has also really matured our mindset and we are really starting to believe that everything is Gods. Everything. He just lets us use it:) Taking possession off of our money has really given us a renewed mindset to how we spend it and to whats important.
Our own home: Sigh...we LOVE people. We really do. We are so in love with the community God has given us not just at MorningStar and in the Fort Mill area but all around the world. God has set up some remarkable friendships and we long to have time and space to just be with all of those people. However being able to come home, to something that is just for us at the end of the day. It just brings a deep sigh of rest and relief to my heart. I feel like I can completely unwind. It feels like its been a long time since I could do that. Whether it was all in my head or just my stubbornness saying I couldn't completely relax and be me in someone else' space, I'm not totally sure. But I know this feels different.
Our own space yet another side: I feel for me personally that I put a lot on hold because I didn't have my own home. And I am excited to pick those things up, but also feeling convicted. I feel like God has been showing me that you can always make something out of nothing. Not that we had nothing, but Gods creativity in me is unmeasurable. I could have done a lot more. And what I did do was Good enough. These are two things God is revealing to me hindsight. I could have used those homes more like they were my own, the way I was being invited to. However, even if I didn't do a bunch of projects, paint more, make more messes with the kids etc...I'm still a good Mom. I'm still a fun Mom. And I'm still the best Mom for my kids. Wow, what a relief.
I hope Scott comes to share some of his reflections. We really have grown so much and we are just so thankful to the Lord. It was all worth it. Every bit of the struggle. If it all meant we could be here as we are today WHO we are today, it was worth it. And I bet in our heart of hearts we would boldly ask for more...
This season is going to be jam packed of Gods awesomeness. I have taken teaching positions at both MorningStar Dance and Masterpiece Dance studios (a Christian Arts studio in the area) as well as leading an adult Dance Ministry team at my church (MorningStar). Scott will be finishing his Masters degree in Theology next summer and he will continue his work at MorningStar in the IT department. We live just a 15 minute walk from our church/workplace in a sweet sweet neighborhood surrounded by beautiful people that we cannot WAIT to get to know more and do life with.
My heart is so full. You are all amazing courageous wonderful hope filled creative God made dreamers and we love who you are. Please continue to walk with us and thank you for all you have given time words home space love tears hugs money prayers etc... I've been thinking all day about this quote from Mother Teresa and I feel it very much applies to all of you
"If we have no peace its because we've forgotten that we belong to each other"
The body of Christ is unbelievable. I am so grateful to be apart of it. Deep favor and blessings to all of you. We love love love you all.